I am unable to be in my flat now without feeling physically sick and uncomfortable, not to mention the dread of bumping into my neighbours in the hall. All the months of anxiety and low level stress have taken their toll and with the catalyst of the letter seem to have caused some kind of inner meltdown. I’m relieved that it hasn’t turned into a full blown depression, but I am struggling to hold it together as I try to find ways around this, whilst also attempting to be ready for the launch of my business. It was meant to be this Thursday but I’ve had to push it back, and what should be an exciting time has become just a mess in my head of things that need doing, and worry about things that frankly shouldn’t even be figuring on my radar.

Yes I am very sensitive; I often think the best way to describe myself is like a crab without its shell. I’ve spent years in therapy and am largely a mostly sane person now. But this episode has thrown into relief the fact that I will never be free of this (enter your favourite phrase here; black dog, grey cloud, mire of despond), and that being well is constant work for me. Sometimes, when things come to a head all at once, as they tend to do in life, I find that I haven’t been working hard enough at it, and am unable to pull on the inner resources I’ve been taught to strengthen.

But as I say, at the moment I’m still functioning; getting up in the morning, getting things done (kind of), and not giving up. I have worked hard to make this business a reality, and I’m buggered if I’m going to let some nasty piece of lowlife scum take that away from me. I firmly believe that there are always ways around things,  you just have to think laterally.

So I’ve left a note (again, polite and reasonable; not the things I really wanted to say but I WILL  keep the moral high ground here), suggesting that the wife come and have a coffee with me so we can hopefully come to some agreement like adults. There is no way in hell that man is taking one step inside my home. He’s taken far too much  space in my head already. I know it’s bad karma to wish ill on him. But I wish he could be humbled. A decent human being doesn’t treat others like the shit on their shoe.